lesson #7: you can’t hold honesty against people

I’ve been in Los Angeles for almost a year and to say it has been an Adventure in Datingland is a grand understatement. I have had experiences that run the gamut from the absolute best first date of my entire life (you know how it is, twitterpated from the moment you say hello) to the most unexpected of revelations (the kind where you actually hear the record scratch in your head). And what’s perfectly fitting is that both experiences occurred with the same person two weeks apart.

I’m going to skip over the best first date part of this story because seriously who really wants to read about the sunshine and rainbows of life…especially when you know that a shit storm is about to hit land. So let me fast forward to a conversation that took place over margaritas and quite possibly the 3rd best guacamole I have ever had (I say quite possibly, because I’m not sure how much the margaritas may have affected the rating). So there I am having witty banter and revealing conversation; the kind where you feel like you are really getting to know someone and (to borrow a term from The Bachelor) “connecting”. I mean he loved burgers, I loved burgers; he loved malts, I loved malts…no one in LA will eat crap food with me. It felt like all the stars were aligning and then this happened:

him: (deep breath in) I feel like I have to be honest with you about something…

me: (slightly hesitant) okay

him: (shifting uncomfortably in his seat) so from that first time we met to the first time we went out there was a time-lapse and out I had forgotten that you were so funny, and smart, and nice, and pretty…

me: (dull ache in the pit of my stomach setting in), (sarcasm) and this is a bad thing?

him: (uneasy laughter), (eyes darting everywhere but at my face) well, I feel like you deserve to know that I am sleeping with five other people right now.

**stunned silence**

me: (sarcasm–have I mentioned I employ humor in uncomfortable situations) hmmm, awesome. Well, yay for you. But, just so you know I don’t see myself becoming number six anytime soon.

him: (chuckle) no, I don’t either.

me: (biting lip) can I ask you a question?

him: (direct eye contact) absolutely

me: (moment of hesitation) how does something like that work? Logistically I mean?

And that was that. A seamless transition from potential life partners to mutually respectful friends had occurred. Moral of the story: dating anywhere, anytime is hard, dating in LA should have a two drink minimum.